Divorces are often hard for everyone, especially children. With so much pain, emotion and frustration involved in the situation, it is easy for parents to lose sight of how their actions can affect their children. Here are a few ways to minimize the effects of divorce on children.
Divorces are often life changing situations where the lines of communication often break down between all parties that are involved. In nasty divorces, the parents tend to yell and argue with each other, and the children tend to become angry and withdrawn. Instead of resorting to negative behavior in an effort to make yourself heard, try communicating in a normal and positive manner. Both parents have to make a conscious effort to restore the lines of communication so that their children do not blame themselves or their parents and resort to holding their emotions inside. Continue reading
Every year, parents of thousands of children get divorced. Divorces are hard on children, often making them question everything they know. Some children will not react right away, instead letting their stress out through other actions, such as not sleeping or misbehaving at school. You can assure children that their feelings are normal and valid, and tell them to talk with you at any time. But as stress builds, there are ways to mitigate it. Here are three tips for preventing and dealing with your child’s stress. Continue reading
Going through a divorce can be a stressful and emotional time for adults, but child can be equally effected. Parents often want what is best for their kids, and guiding them through the process can be one of the best ways to offer support when it is needed most. In order for children to really cope with a divorce, they need parents to help them understand the huge life change that they are experiencing. Continue reading
Sometimes we don’t have the words for what we are feeling. And other times there is so much emotional turmoil that we can’t think straight. Having books that express what we need to say but can’t can be incredibly helpful. Reading the words of others who have been through what we’re going through now can be immensely therapeutic.
The following list of books might be useful for parents who are going through a divorce. They offer not only personal support but also support in parenting children during such a tumultuous time. Continue reading
When you’re in the middle of a divorce, it might be hard to also tend to the emotional needs of your children. They are certainly going to feel the effects of the separation, especially if the divorce between you and your spouse is a tumultuous one.
There are some basic tips to keep in mind when relating to your children, and they are listed below. However, this article will also address the ways that you can seek outside assistance and it will provide some of those resources.
But first, you should remember the following:
1. Stay consistent with your children’s schedule as best you can. If you were driving them to school, do your best to keep it that way. The less interruptions children experience in their schedule the better. Continue reading
There are rare occasions when children need to take it upon themselves to get the care they need. Perhaps they feel as though their parents aren’t meeting emotional their needs, and this can be especially true for children whose parents are going through a divorce.
One way to begin to get the emotional and psychological care is to read. There are many books for children who are trying to navigate the tumultuous waters of divorce. The following a list of books for children to learn about divorce and how it might affect them.
A Heart With Two Homes by Epperson, Monica
Charlie Anderson by Abercrombie, Barbara
Taxi Taxi. Little Brown by Best, Cari Continue reading
If you’re parents are going through a divorce, then at some point they may come to you to have the “Divorce Talk”. It’s the conversation in which they tell you that they are going to separate and the family is going to split up. It’s not an easy conversation by any means. Even if you’re an only child, it’s a difficult conversation to be in. This article will provide some ways to make it through that conversation – whether you’re with one parent, both, or with the entire family.
Perhaps for some children this might come as a complete surprise. You might not have seen it coming at all. Perhaps your parents were really good at keeping their arguments to themselves, which they did no doubt, for your sake. Perhaps your parents were really good at keeping their true feelings to themselves.
And for others of you, you knew it was coming. You knew it was going to happen; you just didn’t know when. Perhaps you heard your parents arguing. You noticed that they never spend time together and never hugged. You noticed that there is often a thick wall of non-communication between them, except when it came to you or the bills or taxes. So, you’ve been expecting it. Continue reading
Rejection is a painful experience that is hard to manage. It comes with uncomfortable feelings and painful thoughts, and it’s an experience that many members of the family might feel during the divorce between parents. Rejection might certainly be a feeling that each parent feels, and it can be experience felt by older children as well.
For the most part, children between infancy and the age of 4 years old, won’t feel rejection. Instead, what will impact them is change in their daily routine, if that takes place. Children at this age are developing in a way that requires regular schedules of eating, sleeping, and playing. A change in that routine can affect their development. Another primary contributor to a child’s development is their attachments to their parents. If there is a change in the frequency of time with one or both parents, that can also significantly affect a child. For instance, if a three year old sees mom everyday and then after the divorce only once per week, that could be significant.
Children between the ages of 5 and 12 years old will understand the concept of divorce. However, they will tend to think that the divorce has something to do with them. They might blame themselves or believe that they cause the fighting or that something they said prompted the separation. This isn’t an experience of rejection per se, but parents can ease by this letting their children know that they are not responsible for the divorce. Continue reading
Often when friends and family find out that a couple is getting a divorce, the first question asked is “What about the children?”
It’s true that children can feel the impact of the divorce in a strong way, perhaps because it’s often a surprise for them. Although the parents themselves might have been talking about it for awhile, attending couples counseling, and reviewing the health of their relationship, children don’t find out about their parents separation until the decision has been made. For this reason, the following tips are meant to help protect children during the challenging experience of a family separation.
1. Stay consistent. Children need stability to anchor them during times of stress and challenge. When parents are consistent in the way they relate to their children, including in the way they discipline and reward their children, it can keep life feeling familiar. Another way to stay consistent is to continue with the same schedules for bedtime, meals, and school. When life feels consistent, children feel safe. Continue reading
A splitting of the family is a big deal. Everyone involved has feelings. Everyone involved has thoughts and fears and anxieties that have to do with the divorce and what it’s going to look like when the divorce is final. What is it going to be like after the family has split?
Sure, these may be fears of the parents themselves, but it’s also a significant contributor to the children’s anxieties as well. Nonetheless, divorcing parents seem to get their children involved in the divorce in a way that’s often too intimate for them to bear. The following are five mistakes that parents make with their children when they are going through a divorce.
Making Your Children the Messenger
Often, divorcing parents do not know how to communicate with one another. They might have a strong need to say something to their spouse but can’t find the right time since communication can be limited. When parents are with their children, they might be tempted to use the opportunity to tell their children what they really want to say to their spouse. Or worse, they may use their children as messengers to tell the other parent what they want to say. Continue reading